Scary phone, scary life, I don't know

Don't you think I'm a little too old
For all these games we're playing here?
We played Scrabble all night long
And the words I'm putting up aren't real!

Operation makes me sick to my stomach
Because like what if they actually did that to you?
I feel plastic like the guy on the cover
And my eyes aren't covered from what you're trying to do!

If my telephone rings
I just sit and stare at it.

I don't know what it is
But something makes me feel anxious.

Maybe it's the idea
That a killer's on the other side!

Or maybe it's the IRS
Auditing me for the third time!

Scary phone, scary life, I don't know
I am lost without my telephone (and I just let it ring baby)
Here I am, here you are, here we go (let's go out!)
Scary phone, scary life, I don't know

Don't it feel just a little too funny
The way you make me feel like this inside?
I'm making up for every other time
I didn't pick up and left you on the line.

I wish I could pick it up, put it right by my ear
Say hello just like my first time!
But my time has passed and I'm older now
And so I'll just wait for the blinking light.

I can't come to the phone to speak
(No I can't come to the phone baby)
Please leave a message at the beep
(When it rings leave your message at the beep)
If I am out a little too late
(I'm going out and I don't know when I'll be back)
I'll check it before I go to sleep
(And if I don't then you'll know where I am baby)

Scary phone, scary life, I don't know
I am lost without my telephone (just let it go to voicemail)
Here I am, here you are, here we go (I ain't going there)
Scary phone, scary life, I don't know

(synth solo)

I can't believe it's happened to me
(If it happened to me, it'll happen to you)
I hear an otherworldly screech
(That's sorta like a loud scream)
Then the message changes on the machine
(And it goes to the next voicemail)
The IRS is coming back for me
(And when they do you know that I'll be gone baby)

Scary phone, scary life, I don't know (that's all I know about it now)
I am lost without my telephone (and I just let it ring baby)
Here I am, here you are, here we go (let's go out!)
Scary phone, scary life, I don't know (and I just let it keep ringing

If I die, fear my mad Indigo (that's all I can say!)
I am gone, I am lost, here I go (aw no no no!)
I am good friends with Mark Ruffalo (he's ringin' my line!)
Scary phone, scary life, I don't know